But J's remaining behind and B's comments about their marriage were jarring. My heart and life have purpose, I can feel it. And I don't want to think that people change and I don't want to believe that many people are not really committed or in love. Pessimism or something akin to depression grows inside me and I long to hole up and remain alone forever. We make more sense when we are alone, the questions are less and more easily answered, but God creates us as communal creatures. I must socialize and I must love. Everything within me screams it."