I recently heard Olivier Messiaen’s Quatour pour la fin du Temps. The piano is counting itself down to extinction-Tangle of Rainbows, for the Angel Who Announces the End of Time. I have never heard a clarinet behave like that, appearing from thin air as a police car approaches on the freeway. John’s face looked like an angel, I have so many questions about angels, as if he would rupture from the water banking up behind his face. Roger and Edith created a third and I glanced over to see if David were playing; he was not. The music kept layering on top of itself, smothering itself.
What does it all mean? The way in which things relate and repeat. The way in which yellows flowers and cellos make me think of Jamie. The way in which Thomas, Collins, Rilke and Eliot write of the same image. "Roaring, crawling, quarrel/ with the outside weathers,/ The natural circle of the discovered skies” “smiling inside a twirling of ovals…the rope flying around me, moving up to encircle my head/like an equator or a halo or a zero.” “I live my life in ever-widening circles” “undisciplined squads of emotion.” Some fantastic code to some even more fantastic mystery. A mystery without answer, the answer is in the seeking.
I leave Idyllwild in three days and heading to Monterey, CA to spend some time with Jamie Uretsky. My emotions are worn and raw from the Polish voices that litter my sidewalk, the music that never ceases, my roommate's smelly feet, the alcoholic breath that is everyone's. Idyllwild Arts Summer Program-what a place.